Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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