so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
