i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
