twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I can't turn off my feet"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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