I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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