If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
