Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
