Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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