I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
