theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I party with great urgency now.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
