So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
