sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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