All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
