So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We need to rekindle our bromance
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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