Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
