She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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