I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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