They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize