quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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