third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Come share oat with me in your robe
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Ladies don't puke and tell
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
