She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize