I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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