I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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