Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
