We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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