Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
