me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
