You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
