Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
