Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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