i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
