He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
