guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
should my penis look like a turkey
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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