Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
