He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
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second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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