I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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