Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
are you so shy because you have an std?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
