Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
