Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
