I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
