If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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