he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
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The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
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Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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