It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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