What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
