I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
of course. lets lasso hookers.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
