so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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