there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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