i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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