Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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