dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
