If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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