things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
