meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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