I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
