His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
