dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
