tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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