i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
