at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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