I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
