Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Im part way to drunk.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
