I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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