I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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