Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course