True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You took a bar mat shot.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.