The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.