I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible