I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
