I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
