It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
