Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
