There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
