Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
