Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
