i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
