sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
