That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
